Responses to Fear, AKA Notes From The Recovery Path

The other day my niece/god-daughter sent me an email. Part of what we have been chatting about was how we each respond to life, and how facing fear is so often a part of recovery and redemption. Some fears are rational, some are not, many are from "future tripping", and most are just a way to avoid doing what we truly need to do for our own good.

So Siobhan passed on this quote to me, as it "really calms" her and helps her out. "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will fellow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever". (Thanks Siobhan!)

I don't think that I'll bother mentioning where the quote comes from; just about anyone should be able to figure that bit out for themselves.

After reading her note, and thinking about her message a bit more, it occurred to me that there is a particular book that I first read when I was about 10 or 12 years old. That first time I only managed to read the first 100 or so pages and I later had to return to it after about 6 months to finish the novel. I can still remember being damned proud of how far I got reading this particular book at my age--and wanting to commemorate that achievement--so I wrote a tiny little hash mark on the corner of the blank page after the title page to show that I did finish it. You see, I couldn't think of any other way to memorialize the occasion, as the book was not mine and I was afraid of getting in trouble for reading it! So I finished the book and snuck if back onto my father's book shelves.

Over the years I have continued to keep reading and re-reading this book--in fact it lead me to buy and read everything this author has ever written--and I am now on my third or fourth copy of the original novel. But, I still have the first copy (yes Dad, I stole it). Old, ratty, an original edition paperback; and now the blank page is covered with the rather astounding number of 74 hash marks. And I am sure that I forgot to add some marks, as often I will read this book for fun and not bother to mark it. But, I still add a hash mark when I read it for a special occasion.

You see, this novel is about all the great changes, choices and actions that we all face in life; and how our training, morals, duty, fears and desires affect and control our actions. It is about how the actions of all of us have oft immeasurable consequences for those around us. For me it became what I call my "life change" book. One of the places that I would go and "visit" whenever I came to a crossroads in my life and felt the need to examine myself, where I was going, and the choices that I was taking. I have all the other resources that we all do--family, friends, religion, morals, etc--but there was something in this particular book that I always identified with and it just pulls me in and helps me to think.

(As a quick aside: In High School as a Senior I took a class entitled "Science Fiction Literature in the 20th Century". Part of our Final Grade for the class was to perform a week long, full blown, mock trial of the novel and it's hero; whom the class charged and placed on trial for Crimes Against Humanity. My "gang" and I took on the roles of the Defense Team and the Defendants--I playing the role of the hero--and prepped our case. We appeared in complete costume, tossed furniture, pulled weapons, waxed eloquent, slayed our enemies, defended our honor, and generally had a blast. We also won an acquittal, The first Defense Team to ever do so in Mr. Alessandri's SFL20C class. At that time we were the only non members of the Debate Team to win a mock trial. Sometimes chutzpa and heart can take the day. Of course, between my "gang" and myself we had also read the book a total of about 100 times, at least.)

It seems to me that there are basically three ways to deal with fear. You can turn in and look for your own answers, you can turn out and look for someone/something else's answers, or you can do nothing and let the fear rule you. Doing nothing has never really appealed to me, so my real choice has been to try and pick the inside or outside answer that works for me. Sometimes I choose wisely, sometimes I don't, Ah well, that is also part of the choosing process, and as long as I don't hurt too many people--and learn to choose more wisely next time--then I figure I am ahead of the curve.

And here, I think, is the crux of handling all our fears and choices. Choose a path you must, or it will be chosen for you. Doing nothing is a choice, and usually a poor one. Not all paths will be easy, choose to do the best that you can. Try to be the one to help and not to hurt anyone unnecessarily. Always, always examine your results for you, those you affect, and the situation. Above all, learn from your choices and apply your new wisdom to your next and choices.

OK, now back to the SF book. The book is titled "Dune" by Frank Herbert. It was first published in 1965, and my oldest paperback edition is from 1977. I still have the '77 because it was our original "mark-up" edition for the mock trial in High School. All our notes, highlights,, strategy and everything. The original edition paperback of my father's that I first read and marked up is even older, I think it is from 1972, but I am loathe to take it out of it's protective case and open it. In Dune Frank Herbert wrote one of the simplest, yet most profound litanies about dealing with fear that I have ever read:

"The Litany Against Fear

Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Frank Herbert, Dune, 1965

Why do I bring up all this about a simple Biblical quote and SF quote? Well, because there is nothing simple in the Good Book, a good book, or in Fear, or in Recovery. Redemption is where we look for it, grab it, and make it our own. We truly do own our fears, and our actions. Make them the best of your current wisdom and you can be content with your own choices.

Chose wisely, chose from within or without, but we always have to make a choice.

Be well.